Not gonna lie, May has been a rough month for me. I’m drained physically, mentally and emotionally. The timing seems a bit odd since there is hope on the horizon and we are getting back to being able to live our lives in ways that allow for more interaction and travel. But, not sure if this has ever happened to you, sometimes I feel like I’m able to hold myself together and keep chugging along just long enough to get through whatever the “goal” is, and then the protective armor I’ve been wearing comes off and I realize how much I was bracing and tensing for the impact.

Here’s what’s been happening –

• One of my chickens, Ocho, died. I noticed on a Monday afternoon that she was staying in the coop on a perch and not outside with the other chickens. On Tuesday, when she did get off the perch, she was walking very tentatively and seemed injured. I picked her up to look for an injury and she had a big gash under her left wing on her back. I wasn’t sure if it was from Roger or our cat Peanut who I often find in the coop. I put ointment on the wound and placed her in the nesting box to be safe. I checked on her first thing Wednesday morning and she was dead. This made me inspect all the chickens and I could see they were all beginning to show signs of missing feathers on their back and I realized this was due to Roger and his regular treading. I know he wasn’t trying to hurt them and just doing what is natural. But I couldn’t stand idly by.

• As a result of the above, I contacted the county animal shelter where I had adopted Roger from and asked if I could bring him back. I felt terrible doing this but my chickens are way too important. I think his spurs were just digging into the hens every time he treaded on them and none of the Vets I called could remove his spurs. And even though there’s a YouTube video for everything, I’m not comfortable doing something like that to an animal. He was such a lovely boy and we miss him ☹
  
• Molly, the dog we adopted back in November, was diagnosed with skin cancer in early April. We knew she was older when adopting her and hoped she could live out a few peaceful years with us but that just wasn’t in the stars. At first we had been trying to get to the bottom of a skin allergy – changing her diet, bathing her every week, giving her supplements, etc. – and then when we did a biopsy it came back as epitheliotropic lymphoma. She was on pain medicine and steroids to keep her comfortable for the last month but it was clear there was no longer any quality of life for her. We made the tough decision to let her go to the rainbow road.

All of these situations made me feel helpless and as though I could have or should have done more. But I’m also not an expert on life. Many life lessons can only be learned once we’ve gone through the experience. Hindsight teaches us what to expect next time, hence we only see it once it’s behind us. I guess what I’m trying to tell myself (and anyone who is being hard on themselves) is that life isn’t Pinterest Perfect. Things don’t always go as planned. And that’s okay, that’s life.