The Grateful Gardener

I think it’s a bit funny that we say Happy Thanksgiving… Shouldn’t it be Have a Grateful Thanksgiving? Recently I heard someone describe the difference between gratitude and being grateful. She said that gratitude is more of a “I’m so happy X happened to me.” As if to say, we are only in a gratitude mindset when good things happen or things are going our way. Whereas being grateful is a sense of appreciating what is. Not just the good stuff, but the challenges and difficulties we for sure did not ask or hope for.

This year has taught me so much about life and myself. It has taken months and A LOT of struggle to move from “Why did this happen?!?!” to “This is what happened and here’s who I want to be as a result.” This has by no means been a linear process.

I still have a lot of crappy days. But amidst it all, there are beacons. Lighthouses in the distance that remind me it will get better. Sunsets on the horizon of electric pink and burning orange that make tomorrow look beautiful before it’s even arrived. It reminds us that even in the muck, we can try to see the situation from a different viewpoint.

Every day has it’s thing that was annoying or frustrating. But we can always balance it with the things that are going right. Salty and Sweet. Over the last few years, I’ve realized there are five things that have always helped me notice the good that’s right in front of me. They all start with the letter F too, and I’m not sure what that means.

Friendship. Friends are the fun. They are the silly. They are always up for a good time. And they are there to lift you up. Through parenting. Through marriage. Through heartbreak and loss. I have the best girlfriends from so many different walks of life and they all share their amazing wisdom so generously.

Family. Maybe it’s your blood relatives, maybe it’s not. Family is that small tribe of people who know your worst qualities and still love you. They see your failures and don’t judge you. My daughters and my husband help me to grow every day. Even when I think I got my Sh*t together, they show me the rough edges that need to be smoothed. That the best version of me is still coming to the surface.

Faith. Believing in something goes a long way toward seeing the possibility of brighter days. Humanity. Nature. God. Whatever it might be that makes sense to you, believing there is something bigger than you that wants you to do well is vastly important.

Fitness. Moving my body has been my north star for as long as I can remember and I hope it never changes. It makes me feel strong. It clears my head. It shows me I can push past a limit. It’s a metaphor for getting unstuck. Returning to biking this past summer with a close friend did more for my mental health than I could have thought possible. It gave me something to look forward to every week and helped me feel strong when I thought I was going to crumble.

Farm. We’re five years in to this Farm Charm lifestyle. It’s more work than we thought, but it’s meaningful and feels good. It’s shown me how much I need nature and want to take care of Momma Earth.

I’ve found other things along the way that don’t start with F that bring solace to my restless soul. Music. Books. Sunsets. Neighbors. Plants. Hot Tea. And Flowers (I had too 🙂

What are yours? What’s good in your life that you notice every day?

Taking Stock

As we head into the final days of an Indian Summer (surely that is no longer PC!), and the change of seasons becomes more apparent – frosty mornings, crunchy leaves, darker evenings – I think it’s always important to take stock of the season that is winding down and the new one that is upon us.

Summer is go, Go, GO! I love many things about summer but this was a very tough summer for me. My Mom died at the beginning of April as the weather was turning nice and then the next five months were filled with sadness, emptiness, regret and sorrow. It made me realize the cliché that life can change in an instant is absolutely true. Up to that point I had been so focused on the doing – the doctor’s appointments, the driving, the updates, the bloodwork – that I didn’t stop to just feel, and see, and be.

I wish for Fall to be slow, slow, sloowww. I fully intend to ratchet down the intensity and use this season to take stock of the goodness in my life. Life is always surprising us. The struggles that came out of left field and the blessings that land in our lap. I have a quote next to my desk How simple life can be if you enjoy the life in front of you.

I’ve had such an easy life for 40 years. I knew this year was going to be a landmark year for a variety of reasons – 5 years on the farm, 10 years married, 40 years alive. I never even considered that it would be the year I lost my Mom to cancer. This year opened my eyes to pain. A pain that creeps into every hour of my day and I can’t even comprehend. Some days are tolerable. Many are debilitating.

I still believe Life is Good. Every day isn’t easy, but there are good things that happen every day. I would have never chosen to learn this lesson, but it has taught me to keep going. I will not remain broken forever. This is life. There is no dress rehearsal. This is the show. Live It.

A new year, a new view

Who doesn’t love a fresh start? There has always been something so motivating and energizing about the start of a new year for me. Maybe it goes back to my childhood as a kid in a military family. Each move to a new assignment was a chance to start over, do things different, be a slightly upgraded version of myself. I think we all like to shed an old skin and slip into something that fits a little better.

For me, 2023 will be a big year in a number of landmark ways. Honestly, I feel like every year is a big year. I’m turning 40. I’ll have been married to Cactus for 10 years. And we’ll have lived on this little farmette homestead for 5 years. Pretty wild. I make Shutterfly calendars every year so I get those weekly emails saying Memories from this week (#) years ago… They blow my mind because some things that happened two years ago feel like forever and some thing from five years back is still crystal clear. As a parent, I love to see how my girls are growing and changing from year to year. And it’s an opportunity for me to see my own progress. If you look for it, there is always a reason to pause and soak up the good stuff.

I’m not big on resolutions anymore. They feel like a lot of hype and expectation. Intentions feel much more realistic and within my control. Instead of “I want this to happen or I hope X comes true” it’s more like “I will make this effort/bring this energy/put my focus on X to achieve this result.” Here are my intentions for 2023:

Choose to have an open heart. I’ve felt hurt and broken by many things, people, and events in my life causing me to become less caring and connected to people. I don’t think most people are trying to hurt one another. I think we are all just struggling as best we can. I don’t want that to stop me from helping someone in even the tiniest of ways.
Enjoy what’s in front of me. Over the years, I’ve become a big pre-stresser. Some people pre-game, I pre-stress. Perhaps that’s anxiety but it’s more like I run through events before they happen to anticipate how I can make them go smoothly. I really just want to trust that if I’m present, I’ll do what’s best and handle the situation well in the moment. And if not, see #3.
Loosen my grip. Understand that things don’t go perfectly and that is part of the journey. From parenting to gardening, it’s all trial and error. Variables in my control, elements beyond my control. But I can always look for the lesson and appreciate the experience.

How will you make 2023 your best year yet?

Bird Beauty

We all have our own reasons for gardening. Self-sufficiency. Passing on skills from elders. Connection to nature. Regardless of motivation, I would say it’s always important to zoom out. See the bigger picture unfolding in front of you. A facet of gardening I never expected to appreciate as much as I do is bird life. I am certain that all my plants and flowers attract more bird life than if I didn’t garden.

I see them every morning and in the afternoon flying in and out of my garden, stopping at the feeder, and chasing each other from tree to tree. The most frequent are goldfinches, nuthatches, titmice, juncos, sparrows, cardinals, orioles, bluebirds, red-billed woodpeckers, and of course robins.

But a bird whose magnificence is truly breathtaking and I don’t think I ever saw in real life before last summer is the hummingbird. It will take your breath away every time.

We bought a hummingbird feeder like this for our front porch. I wasn’t sure if it was too close to our activity for the birds to feel comfortable frequenting it. But within a few days, Sha-ZAM! The sound of hummingbird wings fluttering is unmistakable. Like a mini-helicopter going by you.

If you’d like to see more hummingbirds in your yard, here are few ways to attract them.

Get a feeder.
Plant trumpet shaped flowers.
Plant bright red flowers – cannas and gladiolas.

I say all this to say, whenever we can pause and look around, I’m almost certain you’ll notice something you hadn’t before and it will impress you.

Farewell 2021

An entire calendar year through a pandemic. Can you go back in your mind’s eye to March 2020? Did you ever think it would last this long? I remember going home March 16 and thinking, “Sweet, telework for the next month or two, this will be so great!” What I hadn’t figured in was daycare closing, grocery shopping becoming stressful, job security becoming an oxymoron, and the shroud of uncertainty and constant change that would envelop our entire existence.

There have been so many ups and downs for all of us.

There have been months of despair and questioning followed by hopeful horizons that renewed our spirit.

This past summer felt like things were finally taking a meaningful turn for the better. We could be outside, places were open with limited capacity, you could meet a friend for coffee or let your kids have a playdate and it didn’t feel so scary or risky. Work was getting back to normal and plans were in place for kids to return to school in person for real.

The Fall was holding our collective breath. Waiting to see how the numbers would tick. Will this last? And by most accounts everything was going fine. A new sense of normalcy was developing. We even got to look happily forward to holiday get togethers with friends and family.

And then Ka-Pow! Sucker punch to the gut. And here we go again with restrictions and shortages. It’s the worst kind of déjà vu.

We can all look at the small wins and silver linings. If you’re reading this, you’re still alive and hopefully healthy. That’s something to be grateful for.

All of this isn’t to say it hasn’t been really hard. I am not a positive psychology prophet. I think it’s the dark and discomfort in life that shows us the direction we need to go.

I will say this pandemic has shown me faster and more clearly what is important and valuable in my life. Things I probably wouldn’t have taken stock of for another 15 or 20 years are already strongly at the top of my life priorities list.

Cheers to 2021! I propose a toast:

To the sunny and the rainy days.

To the flowers and the weeds.

To the still waters and the waves.

To the breakdowns and good deeds.

It’s all what makes a life a journey,

the things that test our mettle.

We’re made of more than we ever knew,

don’t give in, give up, or settle.

Stop and Smell the Daisies

Phew, it’s about the halfway mark of the summer growing season. How are you feeling? Eager? Overwhelmed? Excited? Disappointed? Surprised? Probably a mixture of many emotions on any given day. I’m out in the garden about an hour every morning and I love it. Can’t think of a better way to start my day with whatever coolness the day offers, the birds singing, and all my plants looking fresh and supple. But there are some days I just want to lie in bed.

I think it’s like a lot of things in life that take time and dedication, the midpoint can sometimes feel like a lull. The finish line still a ways away. So I’m trying to absorb the experience. Soak up the process. Take lots of notes, ponder what’s going well and what I might want to do differently next year. I’m learning that no matter how much I plan, no matter how much I read or how many videos I watch, and no matter what I do – nature makes the rules. And Momma Nature can change the rules at any time.

Just like everything else in life – training for a sports competition, preparing a presentation, catching the curveballs of parenting, and driving to the store – there will always be elements out of my control. I’m a planner and an organizer but all of my efforts still stop short of guaranteeing an outcome. If I’m only focused on the numbers or pounds of each crop harvested, I’m missing the point. The garden is wise. No matter what is happening, there is something to learn. And that’s why I’ve chosen this hobby. I’m always learning, and mostly about myself. There’s something to be said for quiet time in nature and appreciating its beautiful complexity.

I made a point of planting flowers this year, mostly perennials, as a visual and physical reminder to stop and smell the daisies, susans, and cosmos (not a rose kind of girl). There’s always work to be done. And in equal measure there is time to simply be. And if I can’t remember that, seeing my dog relaxing in the grass is as good a reminder as any.

I hope your gardens are flourishing and I hope you are remembering to lie in the grass and watch the clouds float by.

‘Tis the Season

Season’s Greetings, Ho Ho Ho, and all that jazz. If there were ever a year that we could all use a little more cheer, this would be it. I’ve always liked giving holiday goodies to my co-workers. My “go to” items are poppy seed bread and chex mix – sweet and savory. And throwing in a $1 or $2 lottery scratcher makes everyone smile. Since I’ve been working from home since March 16^th (not that we’re counting) and I knew I wasn’t going to have the chance to give goodies in person, this year I decided to spread elf-like joy to my neighbors.

We’ve lived here two years and Cactus (as ironic as it may be for the prickly one) has made a much bigger effort to get to know our neighbors. He has all their phone numbers saved in his cell whereas I have none. But I do know their names whereas he defaults to the same three or four standard American male names he knows (Scott, Chris, Tom, Matt) whether or not it is the person’s actual name.

I used ten of these cute little baskets from Jo-Anns and included the following items. In case you’re wondering, this is a prequel to my 2021 theme of “make it myself” (MIM is totally going to replace DIY, I can feel it) that you will assuredly hear more about:

Mini poppy seed bread (recipe below)
Farm Charm black raz-ma-tazz jelly
Chex mix
Homemade brownie mix (courtesy of Melissa K Norris)

And yes, I forgot to take a picture of these. Gee whiz! We delivered these all on the weekend (wearing masks, of course) and it was so much fun! Just chatting on people’s door steps, hearing how they are doing, and reiterating how happy we are to be their neighbors. It honestly warmed my heart more than I could have imagined and was completely worth it.

If you don’t know your neighbors, and regardless of what religion they observe, I would encourage everyone to deliver some cookies, a sweet bread, or bottle of wine this time of year. I promise nobody will be offended and it will brighten their day as much as yours. Then, not to be self-serving, but next time you need a cup of milk or sugar, you won’t have to make an awkward introduction to ask for it.

If you already do deliver reindeer droppings, please share your favorites in the comments.

Poppy Seed Bread Recipe (Servings: makes one 9” loaf or three mini loaves)

Ingredients:

2.5 c flour

1 c sugar

¼ c poppy seeds

3 ½ tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

1 ¼ c milk

1/3 c vegetable oil

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

½ tsp almond extract (technically optional but recommend to include)

Steps:

Heat oven to 350. Grease bottom of loaf pan(s).
Sift all dry ingredients together. Add wet ingredients and beat with mixer for 30 seconds.
Pour into pan(s).
Bake 45-50 mins for a single large loaf (25-30 for smaller loaves) until toothpick comes out clean.
Let cool for 5 mins, remove from pan. Place on wire rack to cool completely.
Eat entire loaf in one sitting 😊

Plant-based progress and year of enough #4

If you recall, I set out this year to work on two “self-improvement” projects. Not resolutions per se, but changes to my lifestyle and mindset that I thought would be valuable. For the first six months, I’d say I was doing pretty well. These last few months – July, August, and September – I’ll be honest, haven’t been as strong on both fronts.

In addition to all of the other uncertainties the external environment has presented, I’ve had some significant changes in my personal life. I know we are all dealing with a lot and I don’t think my load is any heavier or more difficult than another, but it’s my load so I’ve got to figure out how to carry it. That’s where the “year of enough” is more apropos than I could have ever anticipated. It’s a shift in mindset that runs counter to most of what has been drilled into me my entire life. Achieve X, then feel happy/fulfilled/good. But in reality, I need to start from a place of contentment and fulfillment in order to achieve the things that are meaningful. It’s sort of a blend of mantra’s from Deepak Chopra (I am whole, I am loved, I am enough, I am worthy) and Neil Pasricha’s Happiness Equation.

And while I thought I was making good progress the first half of the year, nothing like a pressure cooker to test the strength and “stickiness” of my new habits. I hope I’m not the only one like this, but it seems like when one thing goes off track, and then another, and another, all the “good” habits I had like journaling and meditation and eating well and exercise go out the window and I’m a frazzled mess mumbling in a corner. What was the point of those healthy habits if they run out the door as soon as times get tough? Well, I’m probably being a little harder on myself than I need to be because I usually only let myself wallow a day or two before I get back on the horse and that’s not too bad. So what is my point? We are all handling more than we probably want to right now. And some of it has to get done well and the rest can just get done. I’m giving myself the space to not get it all done perfectly and to let go of some things entirely. My expectations of myself and others are really high and that’s just asking to always be unsatisfied with the outcome.

Ironically, plant-based eating should have been easier than ever during the last few months with a great summer harvest and I just didn’t have the time or energy to focus on it. Lentils, salads, veggie burgers, and pasta are staples in my weekly lunches, but dinners are where I need to improve so that my whole family benefits from more colorful eating and I’ve really wanted comfort foods (read: fatty and salty foods). But soup season is upon us and throwing in tons of leafy greens, sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, and tomatoes is so easy. Yay for soup! One pot meals are my FAV-O-RITE!!!

Waves crashing on the beach with blue skies

Spring-A-Ding-Ding

There aren’t many years when my birthday falls on the first day of Spring – thanks Leap Year! In light of that, I wanted to share a positive and cheery post to celebrate since I didn’t have a big get together. No matter where you are in the world, you are being impacted by Covid-19. Kind of a crazy statement when I think about it. But aside from the nearly minute-by-minute updates on this virus, I have to believe there are still beautiful and wonderful things happening all around us every day.

Here are a few examples right from my backyard, literally. Have you looked in your backyard, front yard, sidewalk, or parking lot? I’m sure there are at least five things to bring a smile to your face in an instant. I like to live life to the loudest (and fullest) so Corona isn’t gonna stop that – I’ll just be doing it from 6 feet away 😊

Purple and white crocus flowers — Purple crocus that show up each spring.

Our white, brown and tan female cat named Peanut nestled in pine needles ground covering — Peanut – our cute little farm kitty.

A dozen reddish purple peony shoots breaking through the ground — My peonies are breaking through!

Beautiful white plum tree blossoms appearing on bare branches — Farm Charm plum trees blossoming.

A cherry blossom tree nearly in full bloom — Farm Charm cherry blossoms are nearly at their peak!

Four little chicks - two fuzzy yellow Isa Browns and two fuzzy black and tan golden laced Wyandottes — We got four more baby chicks who are very skeptical of my camera.

Sunset on the horizon with bright orange and red in the tree branches — Wowza! Seriously looks like the horizon is on fire.

Plant-based eating on a farm – makes sense, right?

After a year on our property, we are getting closer to nature. It feels like one of the things we do every day should be getting closer to nature too. Why we are trying to eat more plant-based in 2020.

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Category: Simple Pleasures