The Grateful Gardener

I think it’s a bit funny that we say Happy Thanksgiving… Shouldn’t it be Have a Grateful Thanksgiving? Recently I heard someone describe the difference between gratitude and being grateful. She said that gratitude is more of a “I’m so happy X happened to me.” As if to say, we are only in a gratitude mindset when good things happen or things are going our way. Whereas being grateful is a sense of appreciating what is. Not just the good stuff, but the challenges and difficulties we for sure did not ask or hope for.

This year has taught me so much about life and myself. It has taken months and A LOT of struggle to move from “Why did this happen?!?!” to “This is what happened and here’s who I want to be as a result.” This has by no means been a linear process.

I still have a lot of crappy days. But amidst it all, there are beacons. Lighthouses in the distance that remind me it will get better. Sunsets on the horizon of electric pink and burning orange that make tomorrow look beautiful before it’s even arrived. It reminds us that even in the muck, we can try to see the situation from a different viewpoint.

Every day has it’s thing that was annoying or frustrating. But we can always balance it with the things that are going right. Salty and Sweet. Over the last few years, I’ve realized there are five things that have always helped me notice the good that’s right in front of me. They all start with the letter F too, and I’m not sure what that means.

Friendship. Friends are the fun. They are the silly. They are always up for a good time. And they are there to lift you up. Through parenting. Through marriage. Through heartbreak and loss. I have the best girlfriends from so many different walks of life and they all share their amazing wisdom so generously.

Family. Maybe it’s your blood relatives, maybe it’s not. Family is that small tribe of people who know your worst qualities and still love you. They see your failures and don’t judge you. My daughters and my husband help me to grow every day. Even when I think I got my Sh*t together, they show me the rough edges that need to be smoothed. That the best version of me is still coming to the surface.

Faith. Believing in something goes a long way toward seeing the possibility of brighter days. Humanity. Nature. God. Whatever it might be that makes sense to you, believing there is something bigger than you that wants you to do well is vastly important.

Fitness. Moving my body has been my north star for as long as I can remember and I hope it never changes. It makes me feel strong. It clears my head. It shows me I can push past a limit. It’s a metaphor for getting unstuck. Returning to biking this past summer with a close friend did more for my mental health than I could have thought possible. It gave me something to look forward to every week and helped me feel strong when I thought I was going to crumble.

Farm. We’re five years in to this Farm Charm lifestyle. It’s more work than we thought, but it’s meaningful and feels good. It’s shown me how much I need nature and want to take care of Momma Earth.

I’ve found other things along the way that don’t start with F that bring solace to my restless soul. Music. Books. Sunsets. Neighbors. Plants. Hot Tea. And Flowers (I had too 🙂

What are yours? What’s good in your life that you notice every day?

Taking Stock

As we head into the final days of an Indian Summer (surely that is no longer PC!), and the change of seasons becomes more apparent – frosty mornings, crunchy leaves, darker evenings – I think it’s always important to take stock of the season that is winding down and the new one that is upon us.

Summer is go, Go, GO! I love many things about summer but this was a very tough summer for me. My Mom died at the beginning of April as the weather was turning nice and then the next five months were filled with sadness, emptiness, regret and sorrow. It made me realize the cliché that life can change in an instant is absolutely true. Up to that point I had been so focused on the doing – the doctor’s appointments, the driving, the updates, the bloodwork – that I didn’t stop to just feel, and see, and be.

I wish for Fall to be slow, slow, sloowww. I fully intend to ratchet down the intensity and use this season to take stock of the goodness in my life. Life is always surprising us. The struggles that came out of left field and the blessings that land in our lap. I have a quote next to my desk How simple life can be if you enjoy the life in front of you.

I’ve had such an easy life for 40 years. I knew this year was going to be a landmark year for a variety of reasons – 5 years on the farm, 10 years married, 40 years alive. I never even considered that it would be the year I lost my Mom to cancer. This year opened my eyes to pain. A pain that creeps into every hour of my day and I can’t even comprehend. Some days are tolerable. Many are debilitating.

I still believe Life is Good. Every day isn’t easy, but there are good things that happen every day. I would have never chosen to learn this lesson, but it has taught me to keep going. I will not remain broken forever. This is life. There is no dress rehearsal. This is the show. Live It.

Stop and Smell the Daisies

Phew, it’s about the halfway mark of the summer growing season. How are you feeling? Eager? Overwhelmed? Excited? Disappointed? Surprised? Probably a mixture of many emotions on any given day. I’m out in the garden about an hour every morning and I love it. Can’t think of a better way to start my day with whatever coolness the day offers, the birds singing, and all my plants looking fresh and supple. But there are some days I just want to lie in bed.

I think it’s like a lot of things in life that take time and dedication, the midpoint can sometimes feel like a lull. The finish line still a ways away. So I’m trying to absorb the experience. Soak up the process. Take lots of notes, ponder what’s going well and what I might want to do differently next year. I’m learning that no matter how much I plan, no matter how much I read or how many videos I watch, and no matter what I do – nature makes the rules. And Momma Nature can change the rules at any time.

Just like everything else in life – training for a sports competition, preparing a presentation, catching the curveballs of parenting, and driving to the store – there will always be elements out of my control. I’m a planner and an organizer but all of my efforts still stop short of guaranteeing an outcome. If I’m only focused on the numbers or pounds of each crop harvested, I’m missing the point. The garden is wise. No matter what is happening, there is something to learn. And that’s why I’ve chosen this hobby. I’m always learning, and mostly about myself. There’s something to be said for quiet time in nature and appreciating its beautiful complexity.

I made a point of planting flowers this year, mostly perennials, as a visual and physical reminder to stop and smell the daisies, susans, and cosmos (not a rose kind of girl). There’s always work to be done. And in equal measure there is time to simply be. And if I can’t remember that, seeing my dog relaxing in the grass is as good a reminder as any.